I Wanna Go Hire

“Dear Worker Bee,” a hesitant manager writes in from Sarasota, “I’ve been interviewing people for three months now, and have yet to fill an exciting new position I have open. Plenty of the applicants I’ve met with seem qualified, but I don’t feel absolutely sure about any of them. Ideally, the position requires a person who has the patience of a saint, the persistence of an IRS agent, the energy of a nuclear generator, and a mind like a steel trap. I’d at least like someone who will show up on time and always wear a shirt. I need to hire someone soon! Do you have any advice?”

Well, Hesitant Manager, many executives find themselves feeling like that cute little animated immigrant mouse Fievel in the movie “An American Tail”, staring out the window and wistfully singing “Somewhere Out There” and longing for their perfect office soulmate. (God, that’s romantic. Sigh.) Choosing a new employee can be a difficult challenge, especially if you have big aspirations as to what they’ll achieve in their new position. But don’t fret, Fievel, because here are some tips on how to choose the perfect new employee. (The Worker Bee has a mind like a steel trap himself, by the way, which is why you should always avoid stepping on his head.)

“Are You Experience?” Not Just a Question for Jimi Hendrix

Okay, so it’s basically a no-brainer that you want to hire someone who has at least a certain amount of experience doing the tasks you want him or her to do for you at your company. Oh, so you’re a real smarty-pants now, you already knew that-well, what are you reading this for, anyway? (Sorry, I get a little cantankerous sometimes.) Anyway, what might not be so obvious — but is a great thing to keep in mind-is that this particular street, let’s call it Hire A New Employee Avenue, is a road which goes both ways, if you follow my complex and poetic metaphor. Consider the more unique experiences your potential employee has and what he or she might offer your company that you may not have even considered when coming up with the job description. Of course you need to make sure that they can take care of what you already know needs doing-but they may also offer skills you may never have even dreamed of, like being able to type and file at the same time, or write an exciting new business plan while yodeling the new Puff Daddy song. (Most of his songs were originally written to be yodeled anyway, fyi.)

“What’s My Motivation?” Not Just a Question for Dustin Hoffman

Don’t just consider the skill set your potential employee brings to the table; one would think a good silverware set would be more appropriate anyway, if it’s a dinner table. Where was I? (Sorry-my A.D.D. tends to kick in during the summer months.) Give some thought to what your interviewee’s motivations are in taking the job. Is he just out of college, and willing to take anything so people will stop referring to him as an interviewee, which he probably suspects isn’t a real word anyway? Or does he envision your particular position as a crucial stepping-stone in his mad quest for domination of Southwest Florida’s styrofoam market? Figure out where he’s coming from in terms of personal priority and decide whether it’s likely to coincide with your own projection of how things will turn out eventually. (Though if you’re anything like The Worker Bee, you gave up on the whole Southwest Florida styrofoam market years ago.)

“Does She Have a Good Personality?” Not Just a Question for Chains of Love

If you’ve already ascertained that the candidate has all the qualifications you could ever want, and isn’t too severely in need of an E! Fashion Emergency Makeover (though you might not even care about that), then, like Jimmy Walker, you’re, “Dy-no-mite!” But, though it may seem frivolous to some, personality is, to a certain extent, quite important. As expert as an employee may be at her job, if she can’t get along with the other people in your office, your productivity and basic work functions may quickly ground to a halt. So think seriously before hiring: does the candidate’s personality seem to mesh with the other people you have in her immediate sphere of influence? If there’s any doubt —and there almost always is — try to arrange for your potential new employee to chat with the people he or she will be working alongside. If nothing else, it’s a sign of respect to your older employees to ask their opinion. And if they disagree, just threaten to fire them.

Bee In Touch...

Got a work-related question for the Worker Bee? E-mail it to me at mybuddybrett@yahoo.com.