Rules for Office Romance

Most companies nationwide do not have office-romance policies. In fact, 47 percent of employees polled in the 2007 Office Romance Survey by career publisher Vault Inc. had been in an office romance, despite the potential risks to productivity and morale.

Given the shortage of formal guidelines and the prevalence of office dating, many managers are on their own when it comes to keeping their love-struck employees on track—and out of trouble if the romance ends.

We collected office-romance anecdotes from Southwest Florida workers, and presented four typical scenarios to the policy pros. Donna Flammang, a partner at Roetzel & Andress whose specialties include employment law, and Charlotte Mack King, CEO of Resource Innovations Inc., a human-resources and employee-relations consulting firm, suggest the best approaches for working with Cupid.

Scenario 1: Cupid shot your credibility
Months after my amicable, office-romance breakup, I was assigned to be the supervisor of a new employee whose work was shoddy. When I took the issue to my boss, she suggested I was jealous that the new employee was dating my ex in the department—a detail I hadn’t known.

It was like saying, "You won’t like the food in this restaurant because the menus are blue, and you don’t like blue."

I think my response was to play dumb, and say that I hadn’t heard about the romance. If I had told her that I suspected those two were dating, then my boss’s opinion would have been "proven," so to speak.

News of my complaints to the boss spread fast, and soon I had to defend my position about the new employee to other doubting colleagues.

Per my boss’s request, I gathered concrete evidence of the new employee’s failings, and was ultimately given permission to fire her. Unfortunately, my once-friendly office environment had become divided and hostile toward me over the issue.
—Mollie Page, Naples

The lawyer says: Once Mollie found out about the relationship, she should have professed her lack of knowledge about the situation to her boss and then suggested that another supervisor conduct an independent review on the quality of the employee’s work. Otherwise, by not communicating this information, any reprimand or termination of the employee could be alleged to be the result of "sour grapes" and perhaps ruin Mollie’s reputation and chances of promotion in the company.

The HR pro says: Mollie should have said to her boss, first, that she didn’t know about the new hire’s personal life, and second, it has no bearing on the conversation. In addition to presenting concrete evidence of the new hire’s failings, a third-party witness—such as a colleague on a project—should have been involved to back up the claim, which could help eliminate questions about personal motivations.

Scenario 2: Putting the "mate" in office mate
When I was hired [as an executive at a local newspaper], I met with an attractive woman who worked in the IT department.

I knew I wanted to date her, so I [took great measures] to convince her that was a good idea. And she did.

We work in an office; offices are gossipy places. That was tough to deal with, to be the subject of everybody’s scrutiny.

The [tougher] part was when [her desk] moved six feet away from my office. We worked on overlapping projects, so there was a period when neither of us could do something personally, or professionally, without being in earshot of the other person. That meant that stuff from home came to work, and stuff from work came home.

We cured that, aided in part by her getting another job at the [paper] where we weren’t in the same physical space. Now, six years into it, our office romance is not the cause célèbre that it was.
—Mackenzie Warren, Fort Myers

The lawyer says: Any business, other than the small, family-run business, should consider having a nepotism policy in place that prohibits hiring or retaining immediate family members of current employees [or] one of the spouses/partners of married or long-relationship couples. When one of the persons involved is an executive, there is a much greater possibility of a claim of abuse of power or favoritism, whether real or perceived, if both parties to a relationship are employed at the same company. In addition, the company should institute an office romance/dating policy strongly advising against dating fellow employees due to potential morale issues and possible legal consequences.

The HR pro says: Any time a top manager is dating someone in the office, there is potential for a difficult situation. With this scenario, it is still important that the executive and his significant other not work in a supervisory/subordinate role. The superior of the executive should set the ground rules to ensure clear understanding with all involved.

The couple should also ensure that they do not get their co-workers involved in their personal relationship.

Scenario 3: Lust goes bust
Years ago I was involved in an office romance. The guy would leave flowers on my desk, send sweet e-mails, and we’d take long, romantic lunches together. I found myself working more efficiently leading up to our breaks—though at times we’d take longer lunch breaks than allotted, which did not please our superiors.

When it was coming to an end, things were challenging. I couldn’t concentrate. Even though we were working on different floors of the building, I still saw him from time to time, and there’s nothing quite like that all-knowing glance from an ex. I learned a valuable lesson, and from then on was content not indulging in the temptation of the forbidden office fruit.
—Raquel Torres, Fort Myers

The lawyer says: The over-arching message is that the workplace and romance do not mix well. There are a myriad of unforeseen risks and challenges for employers and employees who face the workplace/romance scenario. It’s best to avoid workplace romances, and meet potential romantic interests elsewhere. Companies should send the message to employees that office romances/dating are strongly discouraged.

The HR pro says: It’s good that the supervisors knew about the relationship; my advice, if you have to have an office romance, is to not do it in secret. (And if it goes south, of course, keep the drama—from e-mails to harsh stares—outside the office.)

The employer or manager should communicate with human resources as soon as an office romance is known, so all parties can be educated on workplace expectations. The point is to ensure the organization doesn’t get involved in favoritism, keeps tabs on morale and protects the organization and individuals from liability.

Scenario 4: Working with lothario
I worked for a Fort Myers business that manufactured artificial floral arrangements. The owner’s son, who worked there, dated the warehouse manager. It was common to turn a corner and find them groping each other or kissing, but the relationship didn’t last.

After the son dumped the warehouse manager, she was very open about the fact that they’d been lovers, and would look for every opportunity to shout insults at him across the warehouse floor. The son then became involved with a much younger co-worker. Several of us knew about this and were sworn to secrecy. We especially couldn’t tell his mother, the owner, our boss.

It’s funny now, and it was funny then, but it also made everyone uncomfortable, because we had to interact daily with the son, the jilted girlfriend and the new lover.
—Liz Heath, Sarasota

The lawyer says: In this situation, the affected employees should have notified the owner of the company about her son’s behavior. She was probably unaware of his actions, and even if she was aware, she needs to be informed that his actions have created a hostile work environment for certain employees. The owner must be given the opportunity to investigate and correct the matter before she either loses employees or winds up in court over the perceived workplace environment.
In addition, the ex-girlfriend needs to be reprimanded about her behavior as it also contributes to the hostile environment. If her unseemly behavior continues, her employment should be terminated.

The HR pro says: If I were an employee in that scenario, I would go back to the son after he asked for secrecy and say, "I really understand why you don’t want to communicate or say anything to your mom. However, it places us in a really bad position. If you can keep us out of it, that would be very much appreciated."

The business owner should also be aware of what’s going on and take some initiative. In my role, I would say to the business owner, "If this wasn’t a family member, what would you do?" It’s a matter of looking at the picture and seeing if the situation is causing harm to morale, or causing harm that could be a legal issue. You would hope that the family-business owner would want the reflection of his or her company to always be positive.